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The memory of the three boys was still vivid, and the more she relived those moments of horror, the more she admitted that there had been a satisfaction about it. After all, they weren't doing anything that she wouldn't have been doing with Sam, once they had been married; but then wasn't that being just old fashioned? She heard her mother's voice, telling her not once but many times that nice girls don't let boys have their way, not until after marriage. "Yes, my dear," Mrs. Delacorte had said. "All this talk today of sleeping around may sound very modern and clever, but let me tell you, getting pregnant isn't any fun. I remember when I was carrying you, how often I'd get sick in the mornings, and then when you arrived, let me tell you, having a baby is just about the worst experience any woman can endure. I've often thought the Lord might have thought up an easier way. Maybe one day science will provide the answer with incubators and computers. It certainly will save a lot of. The stars above were brilliant and the beach had emptied of most people. When I looked around, I was filled with a sense of belonging to the scene around me. It was as if I was a lone rock centered in the expanse of white sand upon which I sat. This was my place, my rightful place.Down a bit, and to my left, a crowd of kids about my age lingered, laughing, talking, flirting. Doing all the things that normal teenagers do. I did not envy them for they could not know the things that I knew. They would not know them for many years, if ever. I alone was master of my destiny, and I thought that even if I should die right there, sitting on that beach, then I would have died a better death than so many other people in the world.Tears came to my eyes and I cried silently... tears of joy, tears of relief. Thank God I left when I did. Thank the fates that I had taken control of my life and walked away, not just a survivor, but a participator in my own life. None of those things made much sense.
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